Between Now and Then

Learning to Love the Life that Finds You

Writer and dear friend Seja Brumley returns with a deeply moving essay that captures the delicate balance between holding on to dreams, embracing life's inevitable changes, and finding beauty in the journey. Through her heartfelt reflections, Seja writes:

Hi friends!  It’s the last week of August which means our feeds are full of back-to-school pics and kids standing at early-morning bus stops.  Or you’re like me, sobbing in my coffee while my youngest child peels out of our gravel driveway, leaving a white dust cloud in her wake on her way to school for her senior year.  Ah the time, she flies.

I remember being that age and all that I imagined lay ahead for me.  I would graduate, then college, then move to Chicago where I would make my fortune.  Growing up, my family would regularly take the 2-hour-train ride to Chicago for Cubs games, shopping, and all of the other adventures the city offered. I fell in love.  I knew it was my destiny to live there.  

And then life happened.  It went upwards and sideways and all of the directions I could not foresee.  I did live in Chicago for a summer during college.  But then upon my return to school, I fell in love with a boy.  I discovered craft and writing and all of a sudden, the jobs I was about to interview for in the city lost their luster.  I was 22 now and different than I was at 18.  What I wanted was different.   I did not see it coming and that is life.  It takes us for spins we cannot foresee.

I sit here writing this on my farm in Bloomington where I live with my husband, two daughters and assorted animals.  If you asked me at 18 where I would be, I would never have said this.  And now, I can’t imagine living anywhere else.  At this stage of life, that is.  Two years from now, we may sell it all and move.  I will never say that any stage of my life is ‘forever” because when I do that, I close off all of the beautiful possibilities.  I don’t fully experience this life when I am focused on a decided destination, instead of looking up and being open to all that life is offering me.  It is possible to have goals and dreams and stay open to what life is showing you, the gifts that you are receiving, and who you are becoming in the process of all of it.

I wrote a poem when my youngest daughter, which was inspired by an intimate moment we shared when she was ten years old. I was tucking her into bed when she said, “I can’t wait to grow up and move to the big city.”  I told her then as I stood in her doorway, preparing to turn off the light, “You have a lot of life to live between now and then, babe.  Just wait and see.”

So here is to all of the kids starting school, parents sending their kids off to school, maybe college.  So many goals and destinations in mind and so much beautiful life that will happen during the journey.  Here is to the participating and noticing of all of it.

Question

How have my life’s unexpected turns shaped who I am today, and how can I remain open to the possibilities that the future holds, rather than fixating on a predetermined destination?

Peace,

Seja