I remember talking to a lady several years ago who had been abused by her father as a young girl and who was, understandably, still dealing with the mental anguish of the abuse as a middle-aged woman. She had finally reached a point where she no longer wanted to live in bitterness and anger toward her father or live out of her wound. She was ready to forgive him. But he had died a decade prior.
I explained to her that forgiveness can happen at any time. It does not require two people to come together, agree with one another, or for the other person to accept the forgiveness. In fact, the other person does not even need to be alive to forgive them.
Forgiveness is, very simply, a change in heart posture toward another. Forgiveness moves a heart from a place of anger, bitterness, and resentment to a place of compassion and mercy. It is a heart posture that no longer holds hostility toward another but is replaced by love and grace.
And to that end, forgiveness is never be dependent upon another person. Forgiveness begins and ends with you. It is a change in your heart posture toward another.
That is why forgiveness can never be, “if you do something for me, then I will forgive you." It is always one-sided. There is no transaction between two people. Again, it begins and ends with you and you alone.
This understanding of forgiveness was a huge revelation for my acquaintance that day (and it may be for you as well). She was able to forgive her father at that moment, even though he was no longer alive. Through her forgiveness, she was finally released from the monster that had been consuming her for decades. And yes, that last sentence can be read in two different ways.
Question
As you consider your wound, who is it that wounded you? How might forgiveness help release you from anger, bitterness, and resentment and help heal your wound?
Peace,
Brandon