Forgiveness
I remember talking to a lady several years ago who had been abused by her father as a young girl and who was, understandably, still dealing with the mental anguish of the abuse as a middle-aged woman. She had reached a point in her life in which she no longer wanted to live in the bitterness and anger of her past. And she was ready to forgive her father.
But he had died a decade before.
I explained to her that forgiveness can happen at any time and that it does not require two people to come together, agree with one another, or for the other person to accept the forgiveness. The other person does not even need to be alive to forgive them.
Forgiveness is, very simply, a change in one’s heart disposition toward another, that moves from a place of anger, bitterness, and resentment to a place of compassion and mercy. It is a heart posture that no longer holds enmity or hostility or condemnation toward another, but that manifests from a place of compassion and mercy into a loving grace.
Forgiveness is never dependent upon another. It is always self-generative.
That is why forgiveness can never be transactional, or an “if you do something for me, then I will forgive you” proposition. It is only, and always, the posture of one’s heart toward another. And to that end, forgiveness is always a one-sided affair. It begins and ends with you and you alone.
That understanding of forgiveness was a huge revelation for her (and it may be for you as well), as she was then able to forgive her father, even though he was no longer alive. Through her forgiveness, she was finally released from the hostility that had been consuming her for decades.
Question
As you consider the transformative power of forgiveness, ask yourself: What relationships or burdens from the past could you potentially release through the practice of genuine forgiveness?
So many times these grudges will be between siblings. I know what it is like to loose a sister. I didn’t know how much I would miss her even though we only saw or talked with each other sometimes once a week. I can’t imagine how I would be affected if I would have been mad or had bad feelings toward her and I had no time to make up with her. I know a fella that lived beside his brother and the wife of one brother came between the two brothers by things she would do and say. They went for many years and never had any interactions between them, not even a hi. After several years of course they died and never even went to the others funeral. One point I am trying to get across is someday the time will come when you don’t have the opportunity to make a mends. We should all be like little children. They play together, have arguments, sometimes even fights but many times within the same day they are back playing together. An ole saying is don’t let the sun set mad at someone. God forgives use daily for our sins against him if we will just ask for forgiveness.
I always explain forgiveness, in cases of neglect, or abuse. This way, it’s like loading a 9 mm, putting it to someone’s head like you’re going to pull the trigger with all intention. And then choosing to put the gun down. Because it’s not our position to stand in judgment of anyone, for we’ve been forgiven.