From Shadows to Sunrise
The Dawn of Authentic Living and the Liberation of Self
Here's the problem with writing weekly: I end up revealing everything about myself. You learn about my good, my bad, and my ugly. However, as I reflect on this, I realize I've never been good at hiding my faults or imperfections.
About fifteen years ago, I was reading Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He discussed the idea of “confessing our sins to one another” so that we could be “healed.” I can't quite recall his argument, but I imagine it involved exposing the dark and hidden parts of our lives to our closest friends, who would meet us with the loving and non-judgmental light of Christ.
Inspired by this concept, I gathered a small group of my closest friends, shared what I had been reading, and proceeded to confess every "sin" I could remember throughout my life. When I finished, I felt light and free, completely unburdened. I offered others the same opportunity, but no one else spoke up. I have never seen so many people stare at the carpet at the same time (insert laughy-face). The following week, no one showed up. I grin as I recall that moment. Eventually, more people joined, and our confession group continued for another three or four years.
Those moments were some of the most liberating experiences I've ever had in my life. There's something profoundly freeing about being completely vulnerable when you feel loved without feeling judged. And that’s how I feel about these weekly writings with you. They are, in a sense, a way of continuing that confessional tradition. Perhaps I feel like I can bare my soul to all of you each week because I know I am loved in this place.
Some may think it's foolish to be so public with my failures and misgivings, to be so open about the issues I deal with. Yet, there might truly be something to gain from such openness. Maybe Bonhoeffer was onto something. That's perhaps why I continue, regardless of any potential negative perceptions others may have of me. Maybe the peace, freedom, and healing we all seek lie just beyond our “confessions.” Furthermore, I wonder if many of our societal problems could be alleviated by greater honesty and transparency among us.
Yes, I know I'm wildly idealistic. But I believe that opening up and allowing ourselves to be truly seen can foster a more compassionate and understanding world, and create more genuinely free people. Who knows? By sharing our true selves as I did with my friends, we might all find a little more freedom and connection.
*If you don’t have a person with whom you can do this, message me.
Question
What truths about myself have I been holding back from sharing, and how might being more open affect my relationships and personal well-being?
Peace,
Brandon
Writing is so much a part of my story. When I began to ask questions I posted it on social media. There were very few comments. I began to notice a pattern. My questioning was causing a stir. I was not addressed directly but instead became the subject of multiple Sunday evening sermons. It Ultimately became the reason for my departure. I believed I had influence in the small congregation. I thought I could make them see what I was seeing. I thought very highly of myself. I was not better than the man who stood in the pulpit or or for that matter anyone else. The funny thing is most people did not read it and had no idea who he was directing his sermons toward. I hated the hierarchy. I did not respect leadership yet I wanted to have influence. These days my influence is directed inward. I want to be the best influence I can be, being the best damn regular Jane I can be.