Mr. Monkey Brain

Rewiring Your Brain and Finding Peace in Your Heart Takes Intentional Work

I recently watched a fantastic four-episode documentary on Netflix called Chimp Empire. Based in the Ngogo forest of Uganda, the episodes follow two separate communities of chimpanzees that navigate complex socio-political dynamics, family issues, and territorial disputes. Interestingly, these two communities used to exist as one large, single community. But now, they are bitter adversaries, competing for land and resources.

Leading the Central group is Jackson, a 31-year-old male alpha leader, who was also the alpha leader before the split.

While I was deeply enthralled and captivated by these communities of chimps (you don’t see chimps in Indiana), I was mesmerized by Jackson. The hulking behemoth was constantly studying the interpersonal relationships between others. If he didn’t like who was grooming who, who was spending more time who, or who was trying to assert themselves in the group, he lost it. To assert his alpha-maleness and his displeasure, he would begin shrieking and huffing, while running around, pulling branches, and hitting trees. In response, scared mothers grabbed their children and left the area. Everyone else shrieked and huffed to affirm the temper tantr…show of dominance.

As I watched Jackson, I was like… hmm…that’s me. No, I don’t run around my house with my clothes off, pulling patio chairs around and smacking the brick of my house. But my dang monkey brain, my most primitive instincts, kick in when triggered.

Believe it or not, I have a passive/avoidant communication style. My goal in dealing with those who have an aggressive communication style is to avoid or indirectly resist conflict. The problem is that I may not say anything to an aggressive type but I let it bottle up within me. I become an ever-inflating ball with no release valve. Unfortunately, this makes me incredibly reactionary or impulsive to the slightest trigger. I become Jackson but instead, I use sharp, unkind words in a frustrated or angry tone.

See. I told you I’m not perfect.

I recently started coaching sessions to identify how I am feeling and what triggers me. Not only am I paying more attention to my feelings and impulses, I am learning how to advocate for myself with aggressive communicators so that both sides win and there is a more equitable power dynamic. More importantly, I am learning that to find peace, sometimes it has to be more than just saying it, aspiring to it, or hoping it magically arrives in my heart. It takes necessary, intentional work to rewire our brains and change our hearts. This reminds me of a quote from St. Francis of Assisi when he wrote, “While you are proclaiming peace with your lips, be careful to have it even more fully in your heart.”

Question

1. While aspiring to peace in your life, what trigger/s keep you from experiencing it?

Peace,

Brandon