Removing the Scarlet Letter

Giving a Person the Space and Patience to Change for the Better

I am not the same person I was in my twenties or thirties. Not even the same person I was last year. From year to year, week to week, and day to day, I am constantly changing. The more I learn about myself, the more resolved I am to change - to become the best version of myself possible in this lifetime, to be more loving, patient, gracious, and kind.

However, I'm aware that I'm still more of who I don't want to be than who I really want to be. Many of you have known me somewhere along that timeline. You've seen my failures, misgivings, pride, arrogance, insensitivity, and how I've hurt people with my words or actions - I may have even hurt you. So thank you for this reading anyway. Even as I write these weekly posts, I hope you understand that I do it humbly. I recognize these words are written for me just as much as I write them for all of you.

But I think about all of this a lot.

People often hold onto an image of me from the past without affording me the grace or opportunity to change in the present. But we do this all the time - we relegate people to wear the proverbial Scarlet Letter without giving them the space, patience, grace, and mercy to change from who they used to be into a new conception of themselves. A self that is growing and transforming for the better.

I met a woman addicted to meth about fifteen years ago. I remember talking and praying with her several times while she was high. After a few weeks, I never saw her again. There were people in her life who had negative images and impressions of her during that time. Even though those images were justified, I wonder how many of those people believed she might change for the better. I wonder how many of them wrote her off as opposed to giving her the grace to change for the better. It’s impossible to know. However, a couple of years later, she and I crossed paths once again. She was clean then, and she's still clean today.

While not condoning others' bad behavior, we should avoid believing they are incapable of change or writing them off as lost causes. Everyone is a work-in-progress, constantly carrying the tension of their two realities within them. We should afford people the space, patience, grace, and mercy to change, just like we would hope to receive ourselves.

Question

1. While not condoning other’s bad behavior, how can we keep from believing they are never going to change or writing them off as lost causes?

Peace,

Brandon