Writer and personal friend Seja Brumley returns with a profoundly touching essay that captures the complexities of life. Through a poignant mix of holding on, the inevitability of change, and the beauty of growth, Seja writes:
I hold on to things. Not necessarily clutter, although my dresser is often covered with stuff (I found a strawberry pin cushion and a yo-yo there the other day without recollection of how they arrived), but things that should have left my life already.
I bought a pineapple, peeled it, chopped it, and placed it in a lovely glass container, idealizing the person I’d like to be and how delicious it would be to dig into on a hot summer’s afternoon instead of who I am in actuality and grabbing the bag of potato chips and French onion dip. The pineapple is still sitting in the fridge two weeks later. It’s probably time to toss it, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Maybe if I had a therapist, the pineapple could be a session in and of itself.
I know I am approaching a season of life where it’s time to move on to new things—maybe a new hobby, a wardrobe change, or a career shift. I can feel the tides shifting—daughters growing, parents aging, jeans feeling…different. The thing is, my days are full enough to stay where I am. Here, I am known, safe, and cozy.
I was in my garden weeding the other evening. I have a raised bed with a trellis for my cucumber plants. One of my favorite parts is the fragile yet sticky tendrils that seem to know where to grab onto the trellis. They wrap around the smooth metal five or six times, holding the entire plant off the dirt below. They’re amazing, tough, and magical.
It’s intuitive to hold on to a place in life that feels comfortable and stable. But what about when we feel it’s time for a change? I thought about one of the little cucumber plant tendril guys holding on to the trellis. He’s doing great work supporting the plant. But here’s the thing – the plant keeps growing. And even though that one tendril (let’s call him Bob) is doing great, Bob knows growth will continue, which is exciting and scary at the same time.
But there is good news! As the plant grows, more tendrils show up. Bob now has Betty, Tom, Sally, and Mike to help out! I imagine little conversations between them: “We got you, buddy! You don’t have to hold it up by yourself anymore! You can relax into your place. We are here with you now.”
I feel like these little tendrils represent the future versions of ourselves, their beauty incubating, ready to support us in our growth. Our present life can be beautiful and fulfilling, yet we can still embrace the calls for change and growth if we loosen our grip and trust that we will be supported.
Embracing change is not just a part of life. It’s a part of living. As Virginia Woolf said, “A self that goes on changing is a self that goes on living.”
Question
What are the areas in my life where I am holding on too tightly to comfort and familiarity, and how can I begin to trust and embrace the potential for growth and change?
Peace,
Seja