The Gray Zone

Growing Beyond Judgment Into Understanding and Empathy

I believe it was my dad who told me when I was a teenager that "this is our first time at parenting."

What he meant by the statement was that he and my mom were learning in real time how to parent their firstborn. Being a narrow-minded young man, the idea that my parents were making it up on the fly was mind-blowing. That one cataclysmic line jolted me and forced me to consider life from their perspective.

Twenty-five years later, I was the parent of two teenagers myself.

I remember sharing with my wife how much more challenging it is to parent as kids get older. I longed for the "easy" days of parenting little children when everything was binary- a simple yes or no.

Do this.

Don't do that.

Stop pestering your sister.

Eat your food.

Don't make that face.

But as our kids got older, we constantly weighed and evaluated every decision with a million considerations. It quickly became apparent that there were no "right" answers. Nothing was black and white. We had entered the parenting gray zone.

How much independence do we give them?

Do we let them make a mistake and learn?

At what point do we intervene?

Do we tell them that we know because we read their messages?

Will this break the trust they have in us?

My mind went back to when I was a teenager, and I thought about my parents again. There was no way I could have fully understood every factor they considered with every decision. While my dad's words helped me better understand the complexities of parenting and develop a sense of empathy, it was only one step. I could not fully appreciate their perspective until I had experienced parenting myself.

I suppose that's why Jesus said, "I pass judgment on no one," because he understood that we are always limited in our perspective. We cannot fully appreciate another’s life experience. We don’t know what they have been through. We don’t know what factors influence their thinking or life decisions.

However, there is something beautiful that begins to happen when we humbly enter another’s story- our perspective broadens. Through conversations, relationships, and life experiences, we begin to evolve beyond judgment into understanding and empathy. And it is from this fertile foundation that grace, mercy, and compassion toward others begin to grow.

Question

1. Have you ever been unfairly judged by someone who didn’t fully understand your perspective or life story? How did that make you feel?

Peace,

Brandon