The Pee on the Seat

Replacing Our Misunderstandings with Patience and Grace

I walked into a unisex restroom at a coffee shop. Approaching the toilet, I noticed someone had urinated on the seat. That wasn’t a problem, as I would not be sitting down. However, I faced a huge dilemma. I really didn’t want to wipe up a stranger’s pee from the seat. But, if I walked out of the restroom and someone was waiting to go in, they would misunderstand the situation and think I was the one who caused the mess. Since I didn’t want the coffee shop staff to clean it up and being that I didn’t want anyone to think I urinated all over the seat, I cleaned it up.

Here’s another story.

Once again, I had a situation in which someone could potentially misunderstand me. As a modern-day-hunter-gatherer, I made my way home from a Target pick-up a few evenings ago. Entering my subdivision, the two lanes are separated by long grass islands. If someone is blocking the lane, you can momentarily shift over between grass islands to get around the blockage. On this evening, a big truck with blinkers (no driver) made it obvious I would have to switch lanes. Maneuvering over, I drove in the opposite lane until I reached the turn for my street. Of course, right on cue, someone pulled up to turn into the lane in which I was traveling. They angrily stared at me, imagining I was doing it for fun or not understanding basic driving etiquette. I sheepishly made my turn without any opportunity to explain myself.

Misunderstanding is difficult. And it is the foundation of much of our relational and societal dysfunction- the way we immediately jump to conclusions about others with limited information. Rather than having a patient posture, we are quick to assume the intentions of others.

In my novel And So By Fire, which is a sequel to What Can’t Be Hidden coming out July 11th, I write about the difficulties we have in misunderstanding each another. Here is what I say:

Had an autopsy been done at that moment, misunderstanding would have been the cause of death. A mere five senses had attempted to interpret and translate a complex reality. But senses ultimately fail when manipulated, and an individual’s uniquely lived experience skews their perception. Considering these factors, misunderstanding was inevitable.

And then:

With so many variables at play, all shaping one’s view of the world, grace was the only countermeasure capable of neutralizing their misunderstandings. But it was a nonexistent virtue.

Question

1. If grace is truly the antidote for misunderstanding, how might we recover this posture in our lives? Rather than snap judgments about people and their motives, what would patient grace look like these days? 

Peace,

Brandon